Let’s face it, winter brings not only morning frosts but long cold nights that are best wrapped around a man’s legs.
I found myself losing all motivation to venture any time after 6 p.m. in the colder months, so I went and did what any woman lucky enough to have a high sex drive would do: I got myself an FWB aka “benefit friend”.
Well, like half of the geeky posts I get on my weekly Saucy Secrets Instagram, I also enjoy the naked company of someone I have little interest in being a boyfriend.
He first met me at a bar in Bondi and we had some outrageous flirty jokes before sharing the Instagram account. I hate to sound terribly cliché but he’s really tall, dark, and handsome.
He has a heavy French accent that is often difficult to understand and the arrangement is purely on a superficial level as he will soon return to a foreign country. You must fall in love with a handsome traveler.
Now, what made this FWB situation successful were several key factors: We didn’t stay up all night sharing thoughts and feelings. In fact, he didn’t even go back to sleep.
We’ve never even dated but when he went through my direct messages a few hours after we met, I thought, “Why not?”
To be completely transparent, I bounced back from a breakup and he turned out to be the perfect distraction. He won’t mind when I say it, because he’s also happy to keep it casual.
One of us would just text the other to see if they were home, and if they were, we’d meet for a while in the nude.
This could come late on a Saturday night or right after business on a Tuesday. It’s simply when the mood hits. And honestly, its fragmentary nature is what makes it fun.
It’s been several months since the breakup, so I’m ready to find a suitable boyfriend but this arrangement has allowed me to spend time on my own, instead of racing into another relationship out of boredom. .
I have space to breathe and weigh my options. Honestly, almost non-existent at the moment. Especially considering we all tend to hibernate in the winter.
I believe the official term for what I’m doing is called “cuff season”.
Definition: the period of time when singles start looking for a short-term partner to get through the colder months of the year.
And I hate to follow the dating trend but here I am.
It brings back strong memories of a bubble friend I had during the lockdown. That brings me to an important lesson…
If you want a successful FWB, you’re basically not tied. If you find yourself tethering to your FWB, you’re really screwed.
Nothing throws a wrench at work quite like forming a suitable affection for them. I learned this the hard way during lockdown and spoiler alert: it ended in disaster.
This is a guy I know briefly as a friend, but got to know better through some direct messages in the middle of the lockdown when boredom really kicked in.
One night after drinking a couple of strong martinis, the messages got a little harsh and I thought great, I got myself a FWB.
The guy considers himself a good cook, so when he offers to stop by for a lasagna, who am I to say no? I’ve become close friends with half of the Uber drivers who eat in Sydney, so I’m very much in favor of a home cooked meal.
The lasagna must have had some sort of fairy dust because it wasn’t long before he became my official “bubble friend”. We kept it light until one time he offered to stay all night and we stayed up talking for hours.
Uh-oh: We bond. We spent the next few weeks in a pretty tight lockdown, so when it was time to get out and mingle with others again, things started to take a pear shape.
A girl he dated interstate before the lockdown returned to town, a guy I met at work was back within 5km of me.
Things were great when life paused but Sydney really sped up after the lockdown and we were in a very “complicated” situation.
Safe to say, hurt feelings, words spoken and sadly we’ve actually taken “friends” out of FWB.
So here are just a few things you have to do to make sure the lines don’t blur:
Be frank and completely honest
Make sure you both know that this is completely normal. And check often to make sure that’s still the case.
God knows an earth-shattering orgasm can really make you think if this guy is really husband material. Be warned.
Don’t go back to sleep
There’s nothing more intimate than waking up next to someone. Especially if you’re in the mood to be cuddled.
All the warmth of the body without sex can make for quite a bonding experience.
Keep it light
No midnight chatter about your deepest and darkest secrets. Don’t tell them to cry if you’re stressed and want some comfort.
This is purely a physical transaction agreement. Harsh but fair.
Leave all that lovely attachment work to your date. They are much safer people to associate with.
Now go out and enjoy this wonderful season of cuffs this winter. May orgasms forever favor you.