How to be sexually creative, according to 6 experts

How to be sexually creative, according to 6 experts

Written by: Kelly Martin


Published date: July 28, 2022


We asked six sex experts, advocates, and founders a question: How do you get creative, sexually?

We have six different ways. Based on creativity as the driving force behind good sex, sex as fuel for creativity, mix it with lover, mix it alone, sexting, sex toysand the erotic power of a wandering mind.

Lilly Sparks

Lilly Sparks

the founder of the ethical porn platformBright light

“Had to get a divorce to explore my own sexual creativity. I was in a relationship with my high school sweetheart, I didn’t have an orgasm, and I know sex can be better than the sex I’m having. I had to reawaken sex. Along the way, I’ve been inspired by some really great sex educators. I did my first guided masturbation. It blew my mind how related our sexual energy is to our health and happiness. There is a connection between sexual satisfaction and speaking our minds, getting in touch with our intuition, and engaging in creativity. “

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Kiana Lewis

Kiana Lewis

pleasure mentor at Expansion group

“There is a lot of great advice I can give, like trying different times of day or a new position, or why not use this wedge to change the angle between your bodies? But the little details make a big difference. Let’s say you’re having a routine with your partner and you have a few ways to have casual sex. If you usually focus on each other’s bodies, do what you normally do — but try to focus more on your own breathing. If you’re someone who’s usually pretty quiet, play with what you want to whine about. If you usually stay relatively still, how can you use your hands to explore other people’s bodies? It’s not about faking it or performing for others but doing it to enhance your own pleasure. “

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Alicia Sinclair

Alicia Sinclair

certified sex educator and
founder of Le Wand

“For me, sexual creativity is really thinking out of the box. We think vibrator, we think clitoris. We think the dildo, we think it goes in the vagina. I wanted to take a fresh look at things where I might have had firmer boundaries in the past. So what’s interesting for me is mixing and matching. The vibrator feels good on the penis, perineum, breasts and between different body types. And for the longest time, I’ve been a wand fan, but recently I picked up our Double Vibe, and you know what? Now I can be a Double Vibe. “

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Penda N'diaye

Penda N’diaye

founder of Pro Hoe

“Fun does not mean neat, binding, linear, or predictable. It’s messy. So I relied on my own curiosity. I use masturbation as a tool to discover new pleasure spots. I have incorporated stimulating lubricants to arouse new sensations. And with a partner, I like sex as foreplay — it’s a sensual way to communicate the position, toys, and sexuality you want to introduce into your experience. “

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Gina Gutierrez

co-founder, president and creative director of Dipsea

“Recently I gave a TED talk about relationship between sex and imagination, and in it I talked about sex as much about the mind as the body. In our minds, we are free to fantasize about whatever we want. What we imagine and what we want to happen in reality are not always the same. Letting go of that myth allows us to exercise more sexual creativity — and a lot less self-judgment.

“Creativity comes when we have time to think. Sexual creativity is no different. So, instead of the next time you feel bored, try telling yourself a sexy story. You will have fun, you will learn more about yourself, and I promise that no one around you will be wiser…”

Alexandra Fine

sexologist, CEO and co-founder
of Dame Products

“Sex in itself is a creative force. When we can step into that erotic state and see the interaction as a creative dance that two people are performing — or even when you’re doing it alone — then imagination takes over. And you let that energy pull your mind into different places. It’s really an adult game. Like, I would growl at my partner and pretend to be a cat—which, like, I totally do. “

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Read related on goop

If access to presence and play during sex feels difficult, see advice from two sex therapists about out of your head during sex and How to break out of intimate habits?. We have also put together a small library of books on how to have great sex, whatever that means to you. And we believe that any sex on the table can be made better with really good toys. For that: ours complete guide to use vibrator.

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