Aaron Rodgers is the reason for the existence of so many sports writers today. The absurdly absurd story after the unbelievably silly anecdote was leaked, and we ran after him as if he were a dog with IBS — smooth beach and all. Rational humans have moved to an approach”Just let me know when he gets traded,” and I could not have co-signed to that prospect more. If only we in Deadspin could be so lucky to get away Green Bay quarterback and his ongoing existential crisis.
Let’s talk – and this is purely hypothetical – that we just stop covering Rodgers. Figuring out how to make up for the loss in traffic will be difficult, but I believe we can money ball our way to make a difference through slideshows, Scott Hatteberg and other loopholes. Obviously, it will be difficult to cover jet plane if we got through it, but it’s the damn Jets, so it’s not a deal breaker.
Of course, my editors pushed back and pushed back after initially refusing to even entertain the prospect. Behold, months later, they relented, and it took me only 73 times to beg within an inch of work.
So, without further ado, I’m extremely pleased to inform you, the online community, that Deadspin has paused coverage of Rodgers. That’s right, AA-Ron, go die. You are not interesting, nor are you Pat McAfeeand finally, we can make better use of our workday instead of throwing up 200 words at a time Rogers has indigestion.
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Yes, this is absolutely an internet stunt. There’s an iota of journalistic integrity to it, but the crux of what we’re doing was taken from the Rodgers playbook. And that is, when in doubt, concoct unrelenting, unapologetic ploys for attention. And what better way to do that than to ride the fumes of the most obnoxious, most visible athlete/storyline out right now?
We’re not ESPN or The Athletic, and as a result, our commitment to the bit can be greater than our commitment to covering Rodgers. Could this turn into a three-month shun with occasional unshun-reshun headlines for the big stories to “do our job” but be a dick about it? Yeah, that’s probably what’s going to happen. Ideally, we’re able to hold off breaking the seal as long as possible, or at least until the threat of termination turns into a promise of dismissal.
The best way to temper an egomaniac is to slap them with silence. It’s an Amish technique. I was shunned from age four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. And look at how I turned out. Yes, I’m mildly self-absorbed, but at least I have some semblance of self-awareness.
Speaking of which, my self-aggrandization alarm has been buzzing for the past couple of paragraphs, so I’m going to wrap this up. You see that, Rodgers? Less is more — and hopefully what we’re not saying about No. 12 speaks volumes as it relates to how much ink this jackass deserves.
