7 ways to bring trust to your relationship

Ever heard yourself say; “That wasn’t a lie, it was the fact that you lied”? Lying is a surefire way to break trust in your relationship – whether it’s about money, temptations, or just omitting small details in your weekend plans (like the fact that an ex will be there). When it’s a long-term or important relationship, your first thought is to rebuild trust, but how do you do that? Here are some tips from relationship experts on rebuilding broken trust in your relationship.

Decided to go on

Expert in Truth, Lies and Love Elly Johnson helps women navigate the ever-complex world of dating and relationships. When it comes to rebuilding trust, Elly believes it’s all up to you to choose the path and stick with it.

“You can’t have a great relationship if you don’t decide to forgive, be as understanding as you can be, and move on. It won’t work and both of you will always be bitter and miserable. If you don’t get over it, the trust breaking situation will deepen and re-emerge every time things don’t go well or love in the relationship.

The truth is that everyone makes bad choices in life, people. Putting yourself on the pedestal of righteous perfection won’t work. Either decide to get out now and then you can continue to blame and grudge around for as long as you want or, choose to stay and commit to working towards understanding and forgiveness. There can be no interlacing. “
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It will take time

Julia Nowland is a Relationship Therapist from Wholehearted Relationships. She has 10 years of experience counseling couples and families through rough patches and believes that strong trust can only be built over time.

“Trust is an important ingredient in any relationship. We cannot claim it or try to prove that we are trustworthy. Whether we trust someone or not is our choice.
So how do we re-establish the most important trust in a relationship?
It doesn’t happen quickly, building trust can take time, it’s a gradual process and every couple will be different.
Don’t keep things to yourself, especially if you’re the one who broke the trust. Nothing erodes relationships faster than secrecy or keeping information private, so it’s important to express any issues that arise quickly and honestly.
Shift your focus, when trust is broken, it’s easier to focus on the “who, what, and why” of the situation. Shift your focus away from self-defeating beliefs and towards building a stronger sense of self.
Without trust, you won’t feel safe being open and vulnerable with your partner. But when there is trust, both partners can ultimately feel seen, heard, and understood.”
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Ask your partner how you rebuild

If you are a trust breaker then it is important to ask your partner how they are feeling and how you can bring positivity to the relationship. They may not have the answer, but it’s important to them that you intend to move forward. Have a frank conversation about what was done, why it broke trust, and what actions will help rebuild.

You must be transparent

Sydney-based sex and relationship therapist, Susie Tuckwell, has seen couples break up for many reasons. It’s not just about what broke trust, but how can you move forward now? According to Susie, transparency is key.

“There are many types of betrayal, not only sexual but also emotional, financial, etc, so each type of betrayal has its own nuance of recovery. First, both parties must sincerely engage and be open about their fears, doubts, and insecurities. Traitors must consider their own conflicts, including what they would give up to accommodate their partner’s needs, such as staying away from exes or gambling.

The person being betrayed must have a bottom line, including what will happen if the betrayal recurs. In general, the best choice is “no more chance”.

Then the traitor must reverse their previous behavior, i.e., the secret must become transparent, their life open to the surveillance of the partner. That can feel controlling, intrusive, embarrassing. The betrayed person is facing a kind of traumatic, almost PTSD-like reaction, and only transparency is reassuring.”

Find a fresh start

Often trust is broken in the bedroom. If you decide to stay then a ‘fresh start’ is figuratively and literally on the cards. Figuratively speaking, mark an end to an old relationship that led to a breakdown and start a new one from the day you both decided to move on. Literally, it can be helpful to redecorate your bedroom with a new bed frame or simply a new mattress. Cleaning this new room together at the right time will mark another starting point in the open, trusting relationship you’ve worked so hard to build. You won’t forget a broken trust too soon, but looking back and realizing you’ve moved on mentally and physically can be a great start.

Put 110% into your relationship

According to Relationship Coach Jayson Maire nearly 3 out of 4 relationships are in conflict due to distrust. He’s seen first-hand how much of an impact technology has had on relationships while working with women over the past 11 years. When it comes to rebuilding trust, Jayson says it’s important to give your best:

“First, make a conscious decision and dedicate yourself more or decide to move on. Don’t waste your time but most of all, don’t waste theirs. This will not be easy and you will need to invest 100%.

You will have to start being authentic and real, open and honest and CURRENT. Restoring trust takes time, so patience is key. Listen, respond with kindness and appreciation. Make sure you follow the ACTIONS. No more empty promises. No words are empty. Communicate clearly and often. It’s time to step up or step aside.”
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Reconnect with eye contact

We don’t always make constant eye contact. For most people, it’s uncomfortable, but this is what makes it so intimate. Sit across from your partner and set a five-minute timer. Hold eye contact for all five minutes and see what emotions arise. If one or both of you have trouble doing this, it could be a sign of more intimate problems in your relationship.

If we’ve learned anything here, it’s that trust can only be built when you want to. It will take time and effort, so make sure you are ready to begin the journey before you begin.

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